If anyone still actually reads this....

I'm okay with who I am and what I'm doing so here's the "secret" (lol) name...

*drum roll please*

defenselessone.

Party tomorrow night. Might go, might not. Depends on if my mom is going to watch Aiden for me and if KW is going. If KW isn't going, I don't really care to go seeing as how the only reason I have the desire to show is to see him. I haven't seen him since Aiden was born and well I miss him...

Sunday Tommy's mom is watching Aiden because Tommy has an FBody meet. Oh the joy. In a perfect world he wouldn't go because I don't want him to go but that's kinda unreasonable to ask of him so I won't...so instead I'm telling (not asking) him that I don't want other girls on his car (it's a meet to take pictures of everyone's car and yada yada ya) because his car is an extention of him and it's kinda like since I'm fat, he'll just have a thinner prettier girl do it. Yeahhh umm no. So it's either I don't go and wonder if he did actually have girls on his car or go and know girls won't be on his car but at the same time feel like shit because I'll be around skinny people. Which is worse? Who knows. Blah.

Being fat sucks.

I start the Sacred Hearts diet on Sunday....we'll see how that goes.

I WILL be 122 by May 1st. That's 93 pounds in 6 and a half months.

I'm really fat.

I died my hair red.

I thought I was going to get a job at NFM but they turned me down because of my credit.

My arm has 10 lovely gashes in it.

My child won't sleep through the night.

I can't wait to get drunk again.

I've only purged 3 times this week.

None of my cute clothes fit and I don't have money to buy bigger ones.

Welcome to motherhood.

What the fuck.

This so isn't me anymore.

It's all been an act.

I'm a horrible girlfriend....er ex girlfriend now I suppose.

I've been hiding so much of my life, trying to be oh so perfect.

If you ask and really care I'll share the new xanga.